Arya Sharma/Catch News
"I told you! I told you!" screeched Mr Gavaskar, sounding like he was having a heart-attack. Mushfiqur Rahim had just hit a scoop shot in the last over of the India-Bangladesh ICC World Twenty20 match in Bangalore. It was a key moment; MS Dhoni's famed Indian side was going to be thrown out of a World Cup on home soil. And yet, the commentator manages to make this about himself?
Yes, so you know how a player rolls: dude, you've only been watching cricket all your life and you make a living out of watching cricket, so calm your shiz, girlfriend.
Right before this, Gavaskar went on and on about how Mushfiqur is a cheeky player - "cheeky, he is cheeky, cheeky, cheeky". OMG, STOP IT ALREADY - where's the mafia when you need them? Wasn't being verbally offensive still a crime in India?
But though Gavaskar and the whiny Rameez Raja stand out as the worst commentators of the WT20, it's not just them: the whole cricket-viewing experience has been marred by a series of inane comments several of these pros make, repeatedly.
This has been going on for a while now, to the increasing dismay of the Social Media Sport Watchers Club, and yet our outrage hasn't made a dent. Cometh the World Cup, cometh the frustrating commentary. Maybe it's time we consolidated our collective outrage.
They need to take full advantage of the Power Play. [No way.]
The fielding side doesn't want the batting side to make runs. [Harsha Bhogle actually said this in the India-Pakistan match.]
They need to take early wickets. [Slight adjustments don't make a bad thing better.]
They can't afford to lose too many wickets. [Who can?]
On a chase
They need to keep chipping away at the total. [WE KNOW THIS, BE QUIET.]
They need to pace their innings. [Read above.]
They need to keep their cool. [But we are losing it.]
Singles are key; you can't hit every ball for a four or a six. [What are you saying?]
He is on fire. [Please!]
Dhoni is cool headed. Gayle is a powerful hitter. Irfan is tall. [You get the drift.]
You can't bowl short and wide to him. [And whom can you bowl short and wide to?]
He is an experienced player. [And you are an experienced commentator so stop saying these things.]
On tight situations
They cannot afford to lose wickets. [You said.]
They cannot afford dot balls. [We know this too.]
They cannot afford to drop catches. [Sigh.]
They cannot afford silly mistakes. [Mr Gavaskar, am looking at ya.]
On the pitch
Please state the nature of the pitch only once every hour unless it changes before that. To keep repeating "this is a turning wicket" every over is not going to change anything except the temperature of our blood. The pitch cannot change now, get over it.
These are only some pointers, but as a general (or, as Gavaskar says, junral) rule, feel free to avoid
And while we're at it can we please stop calling Afridi Boom bloody Boom?
Social Media Sport Watchers Club
Edited by Shreyas Sharma
More in Catch: