It's high time we took up arms against this freedom of speech business. Under its guise, we have been made to ingest a lot of unacceptable nonsense.
I, for one, have had enough. How much can one take? Where will these so-called modern-day comedians draw the line?
They call themselves All India Bak**od. Yes, the same guys who heaped upon us that monstrosity called the AIB Knockout roast, featuring those undignified oafs Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh, and hosted by Karan Johar.
(Oh Karan, where did you go astray? Why did you have to fall into the trap of being 'cool' and 'indie' like these idiots? Why did you have to be friends with that hateful creature Anurag Kashyap? Why couldn't you just have gone on making those cultured movies about loving your parents?)
I digress. AIB is back, and has upset my sensibilities even more than their 'roast' ever did. These chaps have gone ahead and released a video that attacks the very ethos of taking offence - AIB: Unoffended.
Did you watch it? Do you see how this strikes at my very right to protest and take offence, guaranteed to me by the Constitution of our great land?
But AIB didn't stop there. Mocking outrage would still have been less of a cause for outrage. But these people just wouldn't stop there, would they? No, they had to go ahead and strike at the very heart of my existence, and that of so many others like me.
They made Arnab Goswami, MY HERO Arnab, mock himself. They infiltrated an institution more hallowed than Parliament House, the Times Now studio, and converted the messiah of the masses into a buffoon.
I'm appalled. The NewsHour was my mooring. When, after a day spent getting frustrated at my job and fighting through the Delhi traffic, I used to get home, what helped me calm down was that I would get my chance to satisfy my bloodlust at 9pm. I would watch Arnab make mincemeat of his panelists, no matter the issue. I was secure in the knowledge that this man, this vigilante, this Shahenshah of TV journalism, was there for me.
I don't know how they did it. These jokers must be agents of The Joker; only then would it make sense that they were able to pull Batman over to their side.
And what about the others? Et tu, Suhel Seth? You took after my own heart. Every night on the telly, I'd see you, I'd feel you. You were angry about everything and getting interviewed about it, even if you knew nothing about it. That's who I wanted to be.
Don't even get me started about Milind Deora. He's the Uday Chopra, the Fardeen Khan, the Puru Rajkumar of the Deora political legacy.
Vishal Dadlani, shame on you for mocking your own political affiliation. What are we to assume? That your 'Paanch saal Kejriwal' song was also made for comedic purposes? Did we Delhiites fall into your sadistic trap and end up giving 67 seats to Arvind just like that?
And that Russell Peters... oh my God that man makes my blood boil! As if making fun of his Indian roots and his father was not enough, now he's criticising the country that forms such a big part of his limited repertoire and puts bread on his table! For shame!
Did you see the ticker at the bottom of the screen? Is that supposed to be funny? Mocking a song as brilliant as 'Main ladki po po po' from Hera Pheri? If they're supposed to be 'creative' is it necessary that they have to mock other people's creativity?
These AIB fellows are a malaise. Banning them from comedy and removing their videos from YouTube is not enough. They should be flogged in public, or maybe some other such punishment that would make an example out of them.
Seriously, no amount of outrage against them is enough. They think what they do is satire? Do they even know the meaning of the word satire?
Yes, they do, they do, they do. And so do I. This is it.