Masterclass for an MLA : 10 ways Bollywood has chased love without harassment

Masterclass for an MLA : 10 ways Bollywood has chased love without harassment

Here's what an actor and Andhra Pradesh MLA, and son of former Chief Minister, Nandamuri Balakrishna said at a film event last week:

"If I play eve-teasing roles, and just follow girls, my fans will not accept. Either a kiss should be given or they should be made pregnant. That's all. We have to commit ourselves."

If you do not understand what he means (you're not alone), here's what he's trying to say:

If a hero wants to impress upon his audience that he really, really likes a girl, he cannot simply tell her so. Words are just words, after all. And those aren't very convincing. Besides, women are so silly they probably wouldn't even understand what's being said.

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Even stalking her or harassing her on the street may not be sufficient - that involves more leg work than any woman is worth. Besides, what's a woman doing out on the street?! She should be at home. Cooking.

No, according to Balakrishna, if he really wants to display his affections, he must kiss her. Or impregnate her. That's right. Rape is an effective way to show his audience just how much he cares. Because what's a greater statement of commitment than having a child, voluntarily or not.

Bravo

Some actors do it for the arts, some for the fame, but Balakrishna? He does what he does for his audience and we must laud his commitment to them.

We're impressed by the degree of thought he invests into his own roles; let's just hope he isn't a method actor and if he is, we wonder whether that defense will hold up in a fast track court.

But, his sterling commitment to his craft aside, surely, Mr Balakrishna, there must be other ways to signal your affections - ways that don't involve any degree of female harassment, oppression or straight-up rape.

Here are 10 ways in which super-hit cinema heroes chase responsibly:

1. Hygiene:

An investment in a deodorant and a shower goes very far in the ways of love.

It not only displays commitment for the woman you seek to pursue. It also lays the onus on her to do the pursuing.

aamir khan hygiene

2. You can impress her with your work ethic:

You can impress her with your work ethic: shahrukh khan baazigar

3. Or with your culinary skills:

Or with your culinary skills: shahrukh khan

4. You could sing (or at least lip-sync) your way into her heart:

) You could sing (or at least lip-sync) your way into her heart: shahrukh khan kuch kuch hota hai

5. Or train yourself to dance (the definition of dance is a loose one):

Or train yourself to dance (the definition of dance is a loose one): Mithun

6. Or take her on an adventure holiday:

Or take her on an adventure holiday Indian superman

7. You could also earn her a three-year tax break:

You could also earn her a three-year tax break lagaan aamir khan

8. Train an animal to become your go-between:

Train an animal to become your go-between hum aapke hain kaun

9. Spend time with her family (even if they're awful):

Spend time with her family (even if theyïÃÃâÃÃââÃÃâÃÃââre awful): paresh rawal

And if all else fails,

10. Find the right wingman:

jadoo koi mil gaya

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Sneha Vakharia

Sneha Vakharia @sneha_vakharia